Doing Christmas Right

Last week I got into a rather disappointing conversation with my family regarding Christmas, and it reminded my about this past Christmas (2021) and how disappointed I was with the gifts I’d gotten. Yes, you read that right. And I’m sure most or all of you are thinking what a horrible person I am and you know what?

You’re right. That’s the point I am trying to make. Stick with me.

First, How Not To Do It

See, a few years ago I was turned on to the brilliance of Amazon Wish Lists. I mean, Amazon may be a disease to our society, but think about how cool that is. Long gone are the days of “What do you want for your birthday?” Or newly-weds stressing themselves out wondering what their spouses might like or enjoy for their birthday/anniversary/cultural or religious event. Now, there is this cool thing where you can make a wish list and share it with your loved ones and they can know exactly what you want. It doesn’t stop there! Gone are the days of wondering “man, where am I going to find this really eclectic thing that my loved one wants.” Nope, just order it off of Amazon and see it shipped in two days. Heck, they’ll even wrap the sucker for you!

Unfortunately, where I saw the ultimate convenience in the gift giving and gift receiving experience, certain members of my family saw it as a physical and violent assault to their way of life. How dare I provide them a list of what I want and a convenient form of purchasing them – like I was asked to. No, the mere implication that I might want them to buy specific things instead of whatever they wanted to get me was disgusting, degenerative and a human rights violation! Now, I am being intentionally hyperbolic, but they weren’t wrong.

What the problem was was a miscommunication. See, when I heard someone say: “Give me a list of things you’d want for Christmas,” I understood that as: create an actual list of things I want. I guess most of my family meant it more as: give me a list of things you’d like so I have an idea of what to shop for. Now I don’t think that’s all that crazy, but for several Christmases now I have been disappointed to discover that my family bought nothing on the list I provided them. Instead buying objects similar to or along the same theme as those on the list. This struck me as extremely arrogant. I mean, you asked me what I wanted and then, having had that provided to you, decided you knew better?

I know, this isn’t painting me in a very good light. Its gross, I get it, but bear with me.

Last Christmas was the final straw. Not even my wife, who I had expressed this issue with before in explicit detail, stuck to my list. “What was the point!” I screamed to the heavens in my in-laws backyard. Does nobody love me enough to get me what I want, instead of what they think I would like? “No more will I do Christmas lists.” I declare to my two year old (she was 18 months at the time) as we began our journey back home. “People can just buy daddy whatever they want, and he’ll sell it at a yard sale and buy himself what he wanted all along.”

I do not deserve that child.

Last week, after this argument about who has who for Christmas and why we want some people to shop for us and not others, my mind drifted back to last Christmas. I’d like to think I have grown since then. And I began analyzing why Christmas had been so disappointing for the past few years. Something happened then, and I remembered the best Christmas I’ve ever had:

How To Do It Right

It was Christmas 2016, just a few months before I married Renae and our first Christmas that we were spending together as a pseudo-married couple. Renae loves to read, and for the entire time we’d been dating it was rare she wasn’t reading a book or some short story on the internet or something of the like. This was our first Christmas together and I wanted to come out strong, so I thought long and hard about a sweet gift that she could use and would show her how much I knew her. One day whilst I was browsing Amazon in a lull at work I had the best Idea: an Amazon Kindle.

I mean, it was the perfect answer! She reads really fast. When we would go up to visit her parents, she’d sometimes finish a book just on the trip up and have to grab a few of her mom’s books to take on the way back down. How perfect would it be, I thought, if she could carry and entire Library in her back pocket. I’m not sure if you know this, but you can actually connect your local library to those things and actually have your entire library in your back pocket!

I ordered it, I had it sent to work so there was no way she’d see what it was. I wrapped it in a slightly larger box so she couldn’t guess. And I waited to give it to her. I chatted with buddies at work about it because I knew it was the perfect gift. I knew I had nailed it. She was going to love it!

Turns out, when I noticed my wife “loved reading,” what I hadn’t realized was that she “loved reading…the same half dozen books over and over again.” We hadn’t been together long enough for me to figure that out yet. I hadn’t seeing her go through the full cycle. But hey, thems the breaks when you’re newly-weds. Or I guess…almost-newly-weds.

Now here’s the crazy thing. Why is that my favorite Christmas? I don’t even remember what she got me that year. Heck, she didn’t even really like the gift I got her! It sat in our closet, unused, for months before I started using it and it just gradually became mine. Was that why it was the best?

It was because the thought of making her happy made me happy. That’s the only reason I could come up with that doesn’t sound like it came from a stop motion reindeer. The fact is, I wanted to get her something that would make her life easier. Something that, when she looked at it, would remind her how much I loved her. A happy memory. A gift that would say “Hey, I get you.” And the simple thought that I’d accomplished that was enough. Forget the realization of that thought. It never came. The thought that she might like the gift that much was enough for me.

And maybe that’s what I’ve been doing wrong. I’d even bet that’s what a lot of us are doing wrong. The holidays aren’t supposed to be a stressful time of the year. Maybe they are because so many of us are focused too much on ourselves, instead of what we can do for others. I know that’s a simple thought. Nothing really ground breaking there. Its the same message nearly every Christmas movie has tried to spread. Christmas ain’t about you.

So you know what. Daddy isn’t doing Christmas lists anymore. I got no time for it. If you draw my name this year, get me whatever you think I’d like. I’m sure I’ll love it. For my part, all of my energy is gonna be spent trying to figure out what you’d like.

Here’s hoping it’s a merry Christmas for all.