Where are all the Young Men?

Growing up in the Church, as far back as I can remember, there was always an ample number of young men in my ward. When it came to Preparing, Blessing and Passing the Sacrament we consistently had more than enough young men to help facilitate all parts of that ordinance. In fact, we had so many youth in our ward that we had several people passing to the same sections of the congregation so that all of the young men would have a chance to participate. We had Teachers sitting besides the entry points to the chapel to open the doors for those passing the Sacrament to the people sitting the in foyers. That was their whole assignment because we had more Teachers than were needed to prepare or pass the Sacrament. And we always had a stable rotation of priests ready ten minutes before the hour to bless the Sacrament and support the other quorums in their duties. Rare was the time when we had to ask members of the Elder’s Quorum to help us.

Looking back, nothing about my childhood ward seemed particularly unique. I have lived in plenty of wards of an equivalent size. I have lived in urban areas with a much higher population density and just as many rural areas. I lived in Hispanic wards, where religion is arguably a much more important cultural institution than in English wards; and yet never again have I seen such a full-to-bursting young men’s program as I had experienced in my youth.

Why? Where are all the Young Men?

This was the question that was bouncing around in my mind this Sunday as I was asked the bless the Sacrament for my ward. Before we continue, I want to clarify that I am not complaining about being asked to serve my ward in such a way. In fact the opposite, I consider the chance the participate in the Sacrament a great blessing. Yet, as I was sitting next to an elderly gentleman from my ward, looking at the missionaries and the Sunday school president who were asked to pass the Sacrament I was having difficulty reconciling the experiences of my Youth with what I was experiencing in that moment.

I suddenly found myself reflecting on what appeared to me to be a declining representation of young men in our time. Excerpts from various talks by countless leaders of the church talking about the need for righteous young men entered my mind and took hold of my thoughts, refusing to let go.

Where are all the Young Men at?!? What happened to them?

My mind drifted to a conversation that had come up during the Young Men’s leadership meeting I’d attended with the Bishopric that very morning. This past week the Young Men and the Young Women of our stake had participated in their annual campouts. My Bishop, who was unable to attend the campout due to the pressures of his Job, mentioned that a lot of planning had gone in to the Young Women’s campout and that the games and activities had been interspersed with powerful spiritual moments, but that the Young Men’s campout had not received as much attention and planning. Why is that? Do the Young Men not deserve as much spiritual support? Of course, no one is going to say that they don’t, and yet that seems to be what is happening more and more in each ward I live in.

As I looked out over the congregation this past Sunday I saw a young man who hasn’t been ordained to the priesthood because his parent’s have encouraged him not to do so until he is ready without offering any support or direction towards getting ready. I saw a young man who was struggling with personal problems and didn’t feel up to passing the Sacrament; and who’s mother was visibly itching to go home as soon as Sacrament Meeting was closed. I saw a young man peek inside the Chapel from the Foyer, who had arrived late because his family hadn’t been able to get him there in time to prepare to pass the Sacrament. I saw a Young Man who’d been investigating the Church for years and desperately wanted to get baptized, but who’s parents wouldn’t make attending Church a priority often enough for the missionaries to feel it appropriate for him to be baptized and receive the Aaronic Priesthood. And I saw the empty seats where three more Young Men should have been, but weren’t because their parents take them camping almost every weekend and stay out past Sunday.

My heart broke in that moment that I realized where all of my Young Men were. They were in homes that weren’t supporting them. Homes that weren’t propping them up and showing them how much they were needed. Homes that weren’t demonstrating just how much joy and satisfaction they could find in the fulfillment of their priesthood duties.

Our Young Men are living in a world that is constantly attacking them for who they are. A world that is constantly undermining their identity with hate and derision. We are allowing our children unfettered access to social media platforms filled with rhetoric of “the patriarchy” and “toxic masculinity” constantly pushing the idea that they should be ashamed of themselves simply on account of who they are. We are allowing our young men access to apostate articles written by injured, petty former members of the church who deride the church as a sexist, male run organization that oppresses women and that any Young Man who actively participates in that should feel shame as if they were the abusers themselves.

And where are we?

We’re camping, because that sounds more fun than Church. We’re counting the seconds until Sacrament Meeting concludes and we can go home, content in the knowledge that we did our good thing that week. We’re telling our Young Men that they aren’t ready for the priesthood and undermining any hope that they ever will be. We are complaining in front of our two year old daughter, who will grow up to influence the young men of their generation, that going to Church is unpleasant because of something as petty as neck-ties being uncomfortable.

In a day and age where our Young Men need more support than ever; where they need to be shown and told just how important they are and how much they are needed; the question isn’t: Where are our Young Men. The question is where are we?